Have you ever gone on a date with your spouse and felt like the conversation was less than exhilarating? Sometimes when you live in the same house and go day to day with shallow interactions because your schedules are so jammed packed, it can seem difficult to muster up some good conversation when you get a chance to actually have each other’s undivided attention. I believe great conversation is an art and a science and some are more naturally gifted at it than others. Great conversation requires both individuals to actively listen and actively communicate, otherwise the conversation will flatline. While there are many things that you could talk about that could ruin the fun for your date night, there are a few that you should avoid as much as possible.
Here are 4 topics to avoid during date night (you can and certainly should talk about these at another time, just not date night) and some alternatives.
It doesn’t matter how cute they are or what funny thing they did at school, leave that convo for another time. I get it. Your kids take up a lot of your time and energy and so when they’re absent from you it seems odd to not at least mention them. And though you’re with them all the time now that’s not always going to be true. Before you know it, they will be leaving the nest and you and your spouse will only have one another to focus on, plus other things too. So why not practice focusing on one another during date night. The kids don’t have to be your world all the time, you can take a break and center your conversation around other things that matter to you. And if you must talk about the kids, set a time limit. No more than 10-15 minutes and that’s it. This is why having hobbies and interests outside of your children is helpful for you and your marriage because it gives you more to talk about.
What to talk about instead:
Talk about your goals for your marriage. Talk about things you’re doing well and that you want to continue to grow and improve. Talk about the progress you’ve made with one another and share different ways you can support one another in growing in your marriage. Talk about one another in a positive and uplifting way.
Date night is not the time to talk about your budget. Even if you feel like your finances are in great shape, this is still not the time to talk about this. Date night is about connecting with one another on a deeper emotional and spiritual level and talking about the grocery bill just won’t cut it. This is especially important if your finances are a stressor for you right now; save that conversation for another designated time. Keep date night fun, intimate and joyous so you can continually look forward to this time together.
What to talk about instead:
Talk about a dream vacation you’d like to take with one another and why it would be so awesome. Don’t focus on what it may cost you but instead focus on the type of experience you’d like to have and why it would matter to you. Later when it’s time to talk about the budget make a plan for how you can save up for the vacation.
Similarly, to finances, talking about household chores can be a total flat liner. This is not the time to talk about the shirt that got ruined in the wash or the dishes that were left in the sink overnight. No one wants to talk about how you ran out of Clorox wipes while cleaning today. This just isn’t the type of thing that will draw you closer to one another.
What to talk about instead
Talk about a recent movie or TV show that made you laugh. Or share about a funny story you heard. Talk about things that feel exciting right now.
And in case you’d like a little more inspiration for things to talk about during date night here are few questions to ask one another.
- Tell me something that I do that makes you laugh?
- If you were a dessert, what kind would you be and why?
- What songs are you loving right now?
- What makes you feel appreciated or loved by me?
- When you were a kid what was your favorite game or toy…what do you think this says about you?
- What’s something fun or special you’d like to do?
- Complete this sentence…”Over the years, something I’ve learned about myself is…”