Oh, my goodness. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made these mistakes. So, if you read this list and feel like a dry cupcake, then just know that you’re not alone. But also know that my goal here is not to make you feel crummy. The goal is to help you see how you may be hurting your marriage in the most subtle but damaging ways and what to do it about it. And this is not a one and done kind of thing. Most things in life require an ongoing commitment of care. As long as you’re breathing, there’s work that can be done. So, let’s get to it.
You expect it without error or delay
I’m all for clear and specific expectations in relationships. Expectations can work against us too when we come to expect our spouse to consistently do something or not to do something without fail or without delay. When we have expectations like this, we’re actually expecting perfection, which isn’t possible. And in turn you treat your spouse more like an object that you can control instead of a partner that you can honor and respect. Maybe you expect your spouse to be home every day at a certain time, but then one day they don’t arrive until maybe 30 minutes later. Check your response to this. Are you irritated, frustrated, and angry with your spouse (now if you have an important meeting or somewhere to go or something to do, I can give you a break on feeling frustrated)? Often, how we respond to things, reveals our heart posture and it can be a window into an area that you can work on.
What to do instead here is give grace. When you expect your spouse to do something and they don’t, be quick to give grace.
You don’t say, “thank you”
It may seem redundant but expressing repeated gratitude day after day for the things that your spouse does is a great way to appreciate and acknowledge him. If you can’t remember the last time you told your spouse “thank you” for doing the dishes or for putting the laundry away or for providing for your family, then it’s time to express some gratitude.
You’ve stopped looking for ways to please them
When you first started dating, you probably went out of your way to please and impress him. But overtime the urge to do this can dwindle as the urge to keep up with other things like the finances or the kids. But your spouse still needs to remain a priority in your life and one way to do this is to continually seek out ways to please him. Does he have a favorite sports team? Why not buy him some gear with the logo on it just because. Does he have a favorite meal that you don’t cook often? How about cooking it up this week? Does he have a favorite show that’s not your fav? How about you join in on an episode (without electronics to distract) and try to see what he likes so much about the show. At the very least you’ll get some alone time with him.
You’ve lost your excitement for when they come home
When I hear the sound of our garage going up my heart gets so happy. But it’s mostly because now I’ll have some help with the kids. Yep, sometimes I’m more excited that my hubby is home so he can help me than I’m just excited to see him. Are you guilty of this too? One way to combat this is to communicate throughout the day and think of things you enjoy about your spouse so you can anticipate his arrival with a bit more excitement.
You make things harder for them
This one may make you say “ouch”, if you can’t say, “amen”. Can you think of a chore that your hubby is responsible for? Maybe he does the dishes or takes out the trash every night. Are you making these chores as easy for him as you would for yourself if you were the one responsible for doing them? Sometimes I’m guilty of this and I check myself because I don’t want his tasks to be any more difficult than they already are. Sometimes he hurries me out of the door because I get caught up with trying to make his tasks easier for him because I care about him. But sometimes I drop the ball and when I do I know it’s something I can correct because I don’t want to take him for granted. I know he appreciates when I make things easier for him.
You think you have time
Ever felt like once you get some area of your life straight or figured out that you would then invest more time and energy into your marriage? Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that you have to clock in long hours, day after day, in order to be successful in your business all while your marriage is taking a back seat. Maybe you’ve told yourself just a few more minutes and then you’ll sit down and watch the movie together; only to bring your phone or laptop with you so you can catch up on social media or emails. Believing that you will have time later to invest in your marriage, is a huge sign that you’re taking the time that you have now, for granted.
We know that every day is a gift and that we should do our best to be present and to nurture the relationships in our lives with the best that we have.
Believing that you will have time later to invest in your marriage, is a huge sign that you’re taking the time that you have now, for granted.
Which one of these signs stricks you the most? I’d love to hear how you make sure to appreciate your spouse, even for the small things.
Sis, I get it. Being a wife while also raising a family and buiding a business is hard work. But you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to figure out this shuffle on your own. That’s why I’m here to help. Let’s schedule a time to talk about what change would look like in y our life and how I can support you in experiencing that change.
You’re worth it!
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