When you and your husband married, I imagine you thought you’d always have as much time with one another as you want. You probably thought that hopping in the car to go on a weekend getaway or for a sweet ice cream run would always be fun and easy. But then reality hit.
You started your business and now you work more hours than you did before. You have kids and now you have less time and energy for one another. You’re busy and involved in your community and you just have so much to do around the house that breaking away for a quick quiet moment together feels like the most difficult thing to do at times.
So, it’s no wonder that day after day of living like this in your marriage, you now feel more like roommates than lovers. And this conversation is more than just about sexual intimacy. It’s about the connection between the two of you and the time and energy that you’re able to invest into your relationship.
Despite what season of life you’re in your marriage, these simple ways to avoid becoming like roommates can meet you just where you are.
This may seem odd but if you want to make sure the two of you have time together, you just may want to schedule it into your calendar. Put regular date nights on the calendar so you don’t fill up that time with something else. Or schedule a daily evening talk, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Make it like a meeting that you just can’t miss. The goal is to make sure you keep one another a priority in your life so that you can spend quality time with one another.
If you schedule it, then you’ll increase your chances of connecting with one another. One of the biggest reasons you become more like roommates is that you don’t spend quality time with one another. It’s like day after day you’re just passing by one another. That’s why scheduling in that time and actually putting it on your calendar can make all the difference. Try it for 21 days and see how it affects your relationship.
Give an “Amen”
Nothing brings two believers together better than time in thoughtful and meaningful prayer. Prayer is incredibly life-changing and the effect it can have on your marriage is tremendous. You don’t have to have a fancy and long prayer, just an open and honest one. Commit to doing this every night before bed or morning before starting your day and watch how it transforms your relationship. When my husband and I pray together I always feel much closer to him and I feel more attracted to him too.
You’re on your phone anyway, why not spend some of that time texting sweet messages to your spouse. Share funny pics or stories. If you’re not around one another most of the day and you can make this type of communication happen, then go for it. I’m not suggesting you should send a text every hour on the hour—that’s distracting and makes it hard to focus on work or other tasks. Instead, try sending love notes throughout the day to let one another know that you’re thinking of each other.
Note: Sending the grocery list doesn’t count. If your spouse has a big meeting, how about connecting over video prior to it and sharing a prayer together? Or if you know they’re having a hard day, how about sending them an encouraging verse from the Bible or a song. The goal is to keep the communication going throughout the day.
These are just a few ways to keep the love strong and fun in your marriage. What are ways that you keep your relationship out of the roommate category?
One of the common compliants I hear from women I work with is that they’re so tired from all the work throughout the day that by the time the evening comes, they’re too exhausted to truly connect with their spouse. So maybe it’s time to look over your boundaries and come up with some ways you two can stay connected. Let’s schedule a time to chat about this and discuss the changes you’d like to see in your marriage. And we’ll talk about how I can support you along the journey. Working with a relationship coach is one of the best ways to keep your marriage happy and healthy.
Your marriage is worth it.