I hear it all the time from women all over. “I’m too tired”. After a long and busy day of managing your business or spending eight hours at your job, taking care of the kids and the home, there’s often little of you left. I get it. I too feel tired by the end of the day. But instead of feeling guilty for not “getting it on”, how about considering a change in perspective on those days you just aren’t in the mood.

Because we know getting it on isn’t only about the physical satisfaction you can experience between one another. It’s also about the connection, the closeness, the communication, the bond and so much more than makes that time so special. But when you’re too tired to get it on, it doesn’t mean you can’t experience those things, just in different ways. Here are a few…


This seems obvious, but if you’re like most busy married couples with kids, you know how difficult it can be to engage in a simple conversation without one interruption after the next. But talking is how you stay in touch with one another. It’s how you check in with one another to see how you’re feeling and to hear what’s going on with one another. Talking can lead to a better understanding and appreciation for one another.  So instead of rolling around in the bed when you’re not in the mood, talk. Here are a few questions to get your conversation going in the right direction.

What’s been on your heart lately?

What do you believe God is communicating to you in this season?

What do you love about being married?


This may not work for you, but I love to cuddle. Sometimes I’ll wake my husband up in the middle of the night to ask him to hold me. I think cuddling is a great way to show affection while allowing the both of you to rest, especially if the reason you’re not in the mood is that you’re tired.


Once my husband signed us up for a massage class. The massage therapist showed him several techniques so that at home he could give better massages. It was worth the investment. With all the working out and weight lifting I do, sometimes I’m so sore. We sometimes take turns massaging one another and it’s yet another way to have closeness and touch without going all the way when you’re not in the mood.

Read to one another

When’s the last time you’ve read a book together or better yet read aloud to one another. It’s another way to build your bond with one another by sharing in an activity together. While you’re reading, you can light candles or diffuse oils to set a relaxing mood. If you’re tired, you may end up falling asleep after just a few words in. So, this is something better to do when you’re not too exhausted, so you get the most out of it. But if you do fall asleep, just make sure you blow out the candles first. Safety first.

Play a game

Games aren’t just for kids. For some reason, we get this idea that once we’re adults, we (all of sudden) outgrow things that were once fun for us. In some cases, this is true. As a kid, I loved playing with Barbies, but now, I only play with dolls because my daughter likes it. But games are still fun to me, just not the same ones. What games do you like to play? How about going on Amazon or taking a stroll in your local department store and checking out some of the games. Instead of watching TV, how about pulling out a game to play with one another.


Many of these ideas of what to do when you’re not in mood can bring you closer and build an even stronger bond between the two of you. And some of them just may change your mood and your night may end differently than you had thought. Either way, it can be a win-win so long as you’re connecting.

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