Before my husband and I married, we went to premarital counseling. Our pastor advised us against introducing other people in our bedroom. As long as the both of us were okay with it, nothing was off limits in the bedroom. That was good to know as it came from a well-versed Christian pastor. I’ve heard otherwise coming from people who tried to put too many limits around what consenting married adults can and cannot do in the bedroom. And let me tell you, this post isn’t about that. This is about the kind of rules the two of you need to have so that you enjoy your time in the bedroom and that you always respect and meet one another needs.
Never lie about it
My husband knows I’m an honest person so if I tell him something, he can count on it being true, to the best of my knowledge. This also applies to the bedroom. If you want a happy and healthy marriage, then honesty in all areas of your marriage must apply. If you don’t like something that your husband does in the bedroom, then tell him. Don’t keep it to yourself and don’t pretend that you like it either. You don’t have to be rude or inconsiderate in how you communicate, but know that you’re doing your marriage a favor if you’re not lying in the bedroom.
Try it at least once
Unless you’re completely against something in the bedroom for whatever reason (tell your hubby the reason so he knows, if it’s something he wants), then try it at least once. Try the whipped cream, try the ice, try the lingerie, try the role play, try the different move. Try, try, try. Keeping things fun and exciting in the bedroom is always a plus when you’re married. And the longer you’ve been married, the easier it is to get stuck in your same missionary style ways. So, try it, at least once.
In a healthy relationship, when you’re being intimate the both of you want to please one another. Yes, you want to be pleased, but it’s also important that your spouse feels good too. So, if you’re enjoying something—give feedback. I think most of us like to know when we’re doing a good job. You can give feedback during the process, but also talk about it afterwards. This will surely stroke your husband’s ego and excite him to give you more and more of what you like. So, give that feedback.
Know the limits
There are things that you know you don’t like and there are things that you know your husband doesn’t like. You can talk about it to gain understanding and perspective, but don’t push these areas. This is how you make sure you respect one another.
My husband is the only man I’ve been with. So, I don’t have anyone to compare him with, but if I did I know it wouldn’t bring us closer. If you’re comparing your husband to someone else you’ve been with, then this diverts your attention from him and onto someone else, who doesn’t deserve your attention. The relationship with that person is over for a reason, so don’t allow your mind to get caught up in comparison.
Keep it fun
One of the best ways to keep your marriage happy and healthy is to keep fun a part of the mix. I remember once I was trying to show my husband a new dance move and I slipped and fell on the floor. We both laughed. I could have gotten embarrassed and vowed to never dance for my husband again, but I chose to laugh, because it was funny. We have our own jokes and sense of humor when it comes to the bedroom and we love it. And I want to encourage you to do the same. Laugh and have as much fun with one another as much as you possibly can.
Did any of these rules resonate with you? Would you add more to the list here, if so what would you add?